Tomboy by Lisa Selin Davis

Author:Lisa Selin Davis [SELIN DAVIS, LISA]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hachette Books
Published: 2020-05-05T00:00:00+00:00

Writing New Scripts

Naturally, there are skeptics, and downright disagreers, people who will cling to “she just likes pink” and “he just likes trucks” and believe that these things are written on the DNA more than in the cultural script, and that it’s a losing battle to try to get kids to behave differently than they’re biologically programmed to, that to do so is to ignore biology, or reality. Maybe it’s a losing battle to try to convert those parents, but it seems clear from tomboy heydays in the 1800s and 1970s that it is possible to steer the big ship of our culture toward more gender-equitable parenting.

There are sometimes reasons to treat boys and girls differently: not because they are different species, but to create equity. If there are fewer girls interested in, or veering toward, STEM activities, it makes sense to have girl-focused classes or games (not pink, necessarily, but girl-focused) revolving around STEM. If boys are more culturally prone to violence, it makes sense to beef up opportunities for them to explore more emotional, less physical play. We can respect the biologically inspired differences while shifting the culturally and capitalistically created ones, to create space for all children—cis, trans, non-binary, intersex, and gender nonconforming—to explore.

We should help children find their passions and proclivities, push and encourage them, resist the sexism and genderism that pressures girls to be excessively feminine and boys to be exclusively masculine, helping each child find a spot on the continuum between them. We don’t know what activities children would partake of, or what they’d be like, if there weren’t such excessive gender roles, reinforced by marketing and parents and peers, the power of socialization and self-socialization and peer policing, directing them in how and who they’re supposed to be.

Until he had a tomboy daughter who was not just willing to do the stuff that Eric wanted to do, but totally into it, Eric hadn’t realized how many old-fashioned ideas he’d had—he’d thought all the stuff Zoey wanted to do was boy stuff. “I’ve had some of those gender biases in my head,” he said.

As have I. Once my older daughter started expressing a desire for things culturally marked as “for boys,” I stripped whatever vestiges of pink remained out of her wardrobe (and gave them to her little sister). If I hadn’t had another daughter, all “girl” items would have likely disappeared from my home. I would have communicated that anything marked “girl” was not for my non–stereotypically feminine kid. But years ago when she requested a crew cut, like little boys were getting, I hesitated before giving in; no little girls around us sported such a look. But why would a hairstyle be a problem for a girl but not a boy?

It isn’t. It’s a problem for the parents.

Zoey didn’t have trouble at school, even in her conservative community. The kids accepted that a girl could have a Mohawk and wear shorts. Some days now Zoey wears a dress. She wears boys’ swimming trunks and a swim shirt.

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